


The Eighth Bird

by elderflower_macarons



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Reader is the eighth bird, Reader-Insert, or nonbinary reader
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:56:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27474634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elderflower_macarons/pseuds/elderflower_macarons
Summary: i saw eight birds: the twins. the lover. the protector. the lonely journal keeper. the peacemaker. [the observer.] and the wordless one.~As a studious mind who's dedicated their entire life to studying animals of all types, you find yourself as a part of a mission meant to explore your planar system and maybe the things beyond it. Ever since you were a child, you've been fascinated by the world around you, and when you're enlisted to accompany seven other people on a voyage where you can explore animal life even further, you accept without any hesitation.You are the eighth bird, the one who observes life around you without taking part.It's time to fly.
Kudos: 8





	1. null.

_ Everything begins with the light of Creation. _

_ Imagine the power to realize anything you mind can conceive of any scale, and imagine that power given tangible form. It's not the being that created our existence, but it may very well be the tool that that being used. _

_ It's the paintbrush that illustrated the very first tree, the yardstick that told the stars where to hang in the night sky. Somehow, the light of Creation ended up in a place where it was probably not intended to go: our world. The very world that it helped to shape. _

_ A year ago, the Institute of Planar Research and Exploration, the world's premier collective of bright minds and adventurous spirits, recovered the light of Creation. In the past year, we've made immeasurable advancements in the fields of science and arcana, all culminating in tomorrow's unprecedented voyage. _

_ Please, give a warm welcome to our brave explorers! _

When the lights on the stage come up on the eight of you, you are disoriented for a moment. You squint a bit, trying not to recoil too much from the combination of lights and uproarious applause, and you barely keep your nerve in doing so. You resist the urge to look at the other seven on the stage, and barely manage a small glimpse at Barry on the other side of you. He nervously smiles at you, and you feel slightly more reassured as you slightly adjust in your seat. You don't know how long you spent begging to be left out of this whole ordeal, to let Barry speak in your place, but the denial was harsh and bitter, so you force yourself to play nice and  _ be there _ . Everyone had said the same thing: you're young (something you shrugged off, being in your early twenties), and that you  _ are _ a part of the eight selected for this mission. It wouldn't be right for you to not be seen, or for someone else to speak in your place when Barry's job was still different from your own. You grapple with the red fabric you've been dressed in, ignoring the fact that you were definitely crumpling it and the fact that your coat had been pressed and cleaned just for this event.

When the applause dies down, you watch as Captain Davenport goes up to the podium. He moderates questions, answering the ones that he can about the ship - the  _ Starblaster _ \- and the details of the mission. Two months exploring the outer reaches of the planar system and hopefully whatever lies beyond it. 

You tune back in as Davenport motions towards this projection of the Starblaster. "This ship, the Starblaster," he says, and pauses as applause cuts through the air. You nearly wince at it again, but you bite back the urge. "It doesn't run on any kind of fuel you've ever heard of. It doesn't run on any kind of fuel at all, actually. This was the biggest discovery that the light of creation allowed us to harness. That ring," he motions to it with a small, circular motion that mimics the constant rotates behind the ship, "powers the ship using Bonds."

The word alone is a reminder of why you spent so long training alongside your seven companions: to build the bonds between you that will help power the ship. While you get along…  _ decently _ with everyone, you still feel out of place. You trust Barry Bluejeans (whose surname you chuckled at upon meeting him, and he informed you that, yes, that  _ is _ his name, and, yes, you can laugh if you really want) more than anyone else on the ship so far. The moment that the two of you found out each other's roles on the ship, something clicked. Maybe the fact that Barry reminds you of your oldest brother, in a way -- that doesn't exactly hurt, to be fair. Merle Highchurch has been… a close second, if you can call your relationship that. Whereas Merle's focus was entirely on plant life, the two of you share your vague interest in biology, and you appreciate learning a bit from him. When it came to the rest… you felt bad about it, but you didn't exactly have the strongest bond. The twins seem to keep to themselves more than anything, Magnus gets along decently with everyone, Lucretia is a bit standoffish, and Davenport is your captain who you get tongue-tied around because how  _ exactly _ do you speak to your captain?

A reporter raises a question, and it pulls you out of your thoughts again. "Uh, Captain Davenport?" He adjusts his lanyard, "Steve Johnson,  _ Fantasy Times.  _ Did you say that the ship was called the Starblaster?"

You don't blame him for the question. You were a little… thrown off at first by the name. But Davenport takes the question well, "Yes, our R&D team was very, very excited about the name Starblaster." 

You stop caring for a bit. Nothing was coming your way, after all. 

And then a Minotaur stands up, and you have a moment of  _ aw, fuck _ , before you swallow that reaction back. "Uh, Captain Davenport?" He says, "Clomp Hoofman,  _ Minotaur Monthly _ , um, quick question: what exactly are you hoping to discover out on the reaches of this planar -- what'd you call it?"

"Uh, just, outskirts of our planar system and that's a great question - I'm gonna let out sort-of science expert Barry Bluejeans come up here to answer that question," he looks to the man next to you, "Barry?"

You become invested once again as Barry stands up, going over to the microphone. "Well, um," he starts, and you suppress a small smile. "We don't really know what's out there beyond our planar system, so I don't really, uh, I don't really  _ know _ what we're gonna find out there. There could be new forms of matter, new forms of energy, new worlds we could potentially inhabit -- from a scientific perspective, the possibilities are theoretically limitless and I'm just really--" 

You catch one of the twins, Lup, muttering something to Taako. You resist the urge to roll your eyes as you look back to Barry, who  _ absolutely _ seems to have heard what she said.

"Um," Barry says, "I'm just excited about the opportunity to get out there and find new things to - to study. It's just really exciting."

He nods awkwardly, giving his thanks to the reporter, and he returns to his seat next to you. You try to give him a reassuring smile, and it seems to help calm his nerves. You'll talk to him after this is over. You watch Merle answer a question that you swear is from some gossip magazine that somehow sneaked in, only to get a real question next regarding his place in religion. Another question comes, and Davenport delegates to Magnus, letting him calm any fears the audience might have had about weapons aboard the ship. Of course, it does nothing for  _ you _ (Magnus is still one person, after all, and the idea of him broadcasting that he was the only defense you needed? It set you a bit on edge), but you continue to say nothing. Taako fields a question about his role aboard the ship, and then Lucretia, and then Lup drops the mic against Davenport's wishes and you fight back a smile again. The noise is awful, but Lup's antics help liven up this event.

"And what about  _ them _ ?" Someone asks, pointing a pen in your direction. You don't catch the name as Davenport fixes the mic back into place, but the reporter adds ,"What exactly is  _ their _ role?" as Davenport looks in the direction they had been pointing, and then he smiles as he turns back to the reporter. 

"[y/n] here is in charge of all animal-based research. While Merle  _ is _ one of our biologists, his role delves more into plant-life. [y/n] was--" Davenport stops himself, before looking back at you, "actually, I'll let them answer this."

You force a smile as your stomach drops, and you try not to appear too stiff as you stand and walk to the mic. "Right, uh, thank you, Captain. I, uh, was brought on since we have no idea what kind of animal life will be found on the outskirts of our planar system, and, uh," you lick your lips nervously. "I've, uh, I've been studying animal life for years, and I guess I was qualified enough to be considered an expert? I'll, uh, I'll be helping to identify species to the best of my abilities, and, um…" You trail off, and you feel your anxiety begin to suffocate you with every awkward second. "I, uh, I'll be working alongside both Merle and Barry, so…" You step back, only to pause, "um, thank you!" 

You immediately return to your seat as your heart races in your ears, knees buckling slightly in the process. Barry gives you a reassuring look, almost as if he were telling you that you had done well (a complete  _ lie _ , but you appreciate it). Davenport wraps up the press conference from there, and you're beyond relieved. Soon enough, the eight of you file off of the stage and back into a side room where you can change out of your robes or coats - whichever the eight of you had chosen. You frown a bit as you look at the creases you had caused from bunching and un-bunching the fabric nervously, but let out a sigh. Come tomorrow, it'll be cleaned and pressed and you'll look okay once more. You button up your shirt, shoulder your bag, and go to head home for the night when Barry stops you.

"We're gonna go bar-hopping," he says, "you, uh, you comin' with?"

You want to say no, but it's Barry. "Sure," you say. "I mean, not for long, but - sure, Barry."

For a while, you avoid drinking in some effort to try and remain level-headed and aware of your surroundings completely. It takes a few attempts to rope you into drinking with him before you decide that,  _ fuck it _ , it's your last night here for a while, and you end up getting whatever whiskey the bar has on hand that doesn't taste like garbage. It burns your throat, but you don't mind it so much. You and Barry talk aimlessly for a while, just sort-of being dragged around the more rambunctious of the group.

When Magnus steps into a fight, that's when you call it a night.

"You sure?" Barry asks, "I mean, this could, ah, be a good bonding experience, y'know?"

You merely shrug in response. "We'll have enough time to bond on the ship," you knock back the rest of your whiskey, recoil a bit, and set the glass down. "Please make sure no one gets too fucked up," you say, as you look over to Magnus, and hiss when he gets punched in the eye. "I'll, uh, I'll see you tomorrow, Barry," you nod at him, and then to Merle, "you too, Merle." And then you lean over the bar to where Lucretia is writing in two notebooks, "Stay safe, Lucretia."

She barely notices you leave, but Merle and Barry wave you off as you head out. On your way out, you see the twins running some sort of con, and you catch Lup's eye for a moment. You wave at her and expect nothing back in the process, and then you return home. You catch a ride from the local ride service, tip well, and head up into your room at your parents' home. You're glad that, despite all of this time and how much you grow attached to them, you don't have any pets. You aren't sure how you would have parted with them. Sure, you  _ had _ gotten attached in the past, but you knew you would be moving around, exploring, so you had always avoided getting anything that would require you to keep an eye on it. 

You take a moment that night just to breathe. You check your personal bag once, twice, and then again just for good measure. While all of your belongings had already been moved onto the ship into your own private quarters, you kept your journals and pens close to you. They were sacred. While most of the ones in your bag were empty, begging to be filled over the next few months, you kept all of your legible notes with you, and maybe an old notebook from when you were a kid, just for the comfort of it. You're glad that Barry and Lucretia are a part of this mission, in case you need to borrow a pen or a spare piece of paper here and there, but you fully intend to rely on yourself for things like this. It was your work, your lifeblood. Borrowing too much always felt… off to you. Eventually you change into a shirt to sleep in, and lay down to drift into a dreamless sleep.

You awake early the next morning, and you are terrified, to say the least. You go into the institute extra early for coffee that you don't dump  _ anything _ into in an attempt to feel something before anyone else arrives. There's actually something a bit surprising at the fact you're the first one present, but it's barely five-thirty and you expect that some people will roll in barely ten minutes before you have to leave. You stare at the cup between your hands, and you try to drink what you can. Sugar and creamer can come later, you decide - this was purely to wake you up and serve basically no other reason, except maybe to calm your nerves if possible. Maybe caffeine and sugar wasn't the best way to do that.

Davenport is the first to arrive, and while he's a bit surprised to see you there, you aren't surprised at all that your captain would come in first. He gets a cup of coffee, standing over at the table as he dumps things into it, before snagging a slice of cake. He pauses for a moment as he makes eye contact with you, and then he nods toward the other slices there. You shake your head, and he seems to reluctantly come over to join you.

"You should eat something, [y/n]," he says immediately upon coming to your table. He sits down, and eyes your half-empty coffee cup. "Is that all you've had today?"

You nod. "I'm nervous."

"You probably aren't alone," he says with a small, reassuring smile. "Did you sleep well? You seemed nervous at the press conference."

"Don't remind me," you frown. "I'm not good with crowds," you look down at your coffee, "sorry, Captain."

Thankfully, Barry is the next to arrive. You wave at him as he comes in, although he still seems to be in a daze, likely half-asleep.

"You and Barry seem to get along well," Davenport notes. 

"We're scientists," you shrug. "It's easy to talk to him." You don't mean what you end up saying next, "Magnus still makes me nervous."

Apparently, that catches Davenport off guard, as he merely blinks at you.

Before he can respond, you try to explain yourself, "Shit, I didn't - I like Magnus, he's great, I just get nervous around him sometimes." You laugh it off, "I mean, I'm still a bit nervous around the twins, too--"

"That's not exactly hard to see, [y/n]," Barry says as he approaches, sliding into a chair closer to you. "You, uh, you doin' okay?"

You blink at him. "Yes?"

"You just, uh, you look  _ nervous _ , kid," he shrugs it off.

"What about you, Barry?"

"I'm, ah, doin' fine," he shrugs off the question. "Nervous, but, y'know, just because there's a lot riding on his mission."

"There is," Davenport affirms. "But I trust all of you. Whatever we're about to face, we can handle it."

"At least someone's optimistic," you say as you finish off your coffee. With an awkward chuckle, you set the styrofoam cup back down, "Sorry to bring down the mood, Captain."

Lucretia shows up, and she sits alone immediately. No coffee, no cake, no fruit -- she just takes one of her journals and hides out in the corner of the room. You debate going to sit with her until Merle suddenly shows up, oddly excitable when you had never pegged him as being a morning person, and quick to get coffee and cake and take it over to her. She looks up, says something, and he pushes the cake over to her. Barry and Davenport chat as you watch Magnus show up soon after, proudly sporting a black eye, and you have to resist the urge to roll your eyes at that because  _ of course _ Magnus has a black eye. The punch he took was far from pretty. Taako and Lup eventually arrive, and you take that as your cue to get dressed. 

So you do. You excuse yourself, taking your coffee cup and disposing of it as you head off to get your jacket and change back into it. You take a breath and tuck your t-shirt into your pants in an attempt to make yourself look better before fiddling with the front of your jacket. You slip into it, a bit happy that it had been cleaned overnight (and you make a mental note to thank someone for that), and you feel as if it fits you better than before. You adjust it in the mirror a thousand times until Magnus comes in to change, and you immediately duck your head and head back out to wait for the others before he can strike up any conversation. Not this early. Later, you decide.  _ Later _ you will be social. For now? You wait, and you take Davenport's advice as you spoon up a scoop of mixed fruit to munch on as you wait. It oddly makes you feel better, despite the flips your stomach seems to be doing.

You board the Starblaster with your companions, and it takes Merle gently elbowing you to remind you that you essentially have to put on a bit of a show for the crowds. You smile and wave alongside everyone else, and you try not to notice this nervous air that seems to be filling the space around you. Biting your tongue, you write it all off as nerves alone, yet this feeling continues to linger and make you feel as if something might be wrong. It clears up as you spot your family in the crowd, and the fake smile you'd plastered on becomes genuine as you wave to your parents and your younger brother  _ proudly _ . The seven people around you notice this change in disposition immediately, but you don't care. Your family had supported your pursuit of knowledge without much hesitance (the most you had ever received was from your father to  _ be careful _ \-- you were small, but he was willing to help you and he was responsible for your interests, but you have to  _ be careful _ ). You don't see your oldest brother, but you don't mind too much. He's supporting you from afar, and was likely too caught up in whatever physics shit they had him doing at his own lab. He always had your back, though, and you know he would be there if he could. Instead, your younger brother seems to be making up for the absence by being doubly excited as he waves as you, because  _ that's his older sibling! _ He's so proud of you, and you finally start to feel at ease for once.

And then it all goes wrong.

As you pull out of the Prime Material plane, you see it. This… dark mass that dips into your world, and reaches its tendrils around your ship. You panic first, and that panic grows as Davenport tries to contact the IPRE with no use. After being unanswered, Davenport makes the call, and you listen to him through your anxiety-ridden thoughts as he explains that everyone is getting out of here. You'll return when the time is right. You look back at your home, and you think about everything you're leaving behind. 

The world shrinks behind you, and you can't tear your eyes away from the sight. Barry reaches out and touches your shoulder to remind you of where you are, and yet you feel  _ sick _ as you watch this entity attack. You turn back to answer him, his hand falling back to his side, right as you pass over a threshold that makes you feel as if you're being torn apart. For you, it feels like a panic attack where you're everywhere and nowhere all at once, all while you are stuck in your place without air in your lungs or any sensitivity in your nerves. For so long, you feel as if you're dying but forcibly staying upright and alive, and the paradox of that sends your head reeling farther.

And then, in an instant, you're you again. You manage to take a breath as your knees give out beneath you. Davenport keeps trying to contact the institute for a moment, but when he finds nothing, he observes the planar system ahead of you. Barry says something to you, but it doesn't stick. Nothing sticks. The feeling of the Starblaster's floor is all you know in that moment, as you try to bring yourself back down to this realm of existence completely. Davenport takes the ship down into the Prime Material plane, and you force yourself back onto your feet in the meantime as you bring yourself into your senses again, now feeling completely drained.

And then you see that the world before you is not the one you just left. 


	2. cycle one.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm gonna fight the power bear," Magnus says to you immediately.
> 
> You stare at him. "Magnus, I literally just told Lucretia that the power bear is one of the high court -- you can't just fight royalty!"
> 
> "I'm gonna do it," he smiles at you, and he starts walking backwards towards where the rest of the group is located. "I'm gonna fight it, and it's gonna be awesome!"
> 
> Lucretia looks at you, and the two of you have the exact same thought. She starts to get up to follow after him, "Magnus, please do not fight the power bear--"
> 
> "Hey guys!" He's already calling as he leaves you alone, Lucretia already trailing after him when you finally stand to follow, "wanna watch me fight a fucking power bear tomorrow?!"

Your mind is ringing with the thoughts that had just happened. Your family. You had  _ just _ seen them, and the thought that they might be completely gone sticks out in your mind. But you swallow that thought, and you force yourself to the edge of the deck as you try to ground yourself in the reality you stand in now. You refuse to think about it too long, and settle for observing the world below as Davenport brings the ship closer and closer. The makeup is all  _ wrong _ \- those continents weren't  _ there _ , and surely the oceans weren't like that either - but you stare intently at it all and hope that you can will it to change before you. To change it back to your home, so that you can go see your parents again. 

But that thought dies when you lock eyes with a wolf by complete chance. It pays you no mind, which you attribute to you being on a ship, and it sits with piglets without much of a thought.

"That's… weird," you muse aloud, and you watch as this world full of nothing but animals interacting with one another.

Merle pats you on the side, "well, you're the expert! What's your verdict, kiddo?"

"I don't - I don't know," you stammer, "give me a minute." You begin to pat the pockets of your jacket until you find your field notebook and a pen, clicking it as you begin to observe once more. You feel eyes on your back as you try to understand what's going on beneath you. Eventually, the crew breaks their gazes on you as they look around the ship, around the planet, giving you the space you need to observe without much thought. The tension within you disappears, and you notice the way that these animals communicate. You can't hear it clearly from where you are, but enough watching tells you that they're making some sort of grunt or some sort of prusten (and you note that it's  _ weird _ for things outside of the Felidae family to make such a noise, but you don't discount it - not with what you've been seeing so far). You notice the natural settlements below: a bear's den near rabbit hutches, birds nests overlooking where you see field mice hiding. The wolves and the piglets interact once again, and there isn't a drop of bloodshed to be seen.

"Well?" Barry finally says, prodding you for information after a few days of this flyover process. "Like Merle said before, you're the expert."

You awkwardly smile as you turn back to face your crew-mates, and you realize they must have sent Barry over to gain your attention. "I, uh," you start, flipping back through your notes. "I'm not exactly sure what it is, but, uh, all of these species shouldn't be able to communicate like this. I mean, it's, uh, it's  _ possible _ , sure, but that's usually through the assistance of body language. Like, um," you start to explain further as you're met with confusion from a few people, "Say, uh, I don't know - Taako doesn't know common, and I don't know elvish--"

"But--" Merle starts, and before he can make any jokes, you shut it down.

"Yes, I know, we both speak -- it's just an analogy, Merle." You grow flustered a bit, "Anyway, uh, we could still  _ say things _ to one another, but our body language would help us understand each other better - or, actually more-so than the words themselves, right?" You flip through your notes again, "It's really hard to hear clearly, but, uh, they seem to be speaking through… grunts, I think? I'm pretty sure I managed to hear a bear loud enough, but I'm still not exactly a hundo there. But…" You bite your lip for a moment, "I think the animals of this world are peaceful? I mean, maybe not towards us initially, but…" You drum your fingers against your half-closed journal, thumb sandwiched in-between pages, and your anxiety kicks back in as you realize everyone is staring at you as you speak. "I saw  _ bears _ getting along with  _ rabbits _ . I think they're going to be more peaceful than your common bear."

Davenport nods as he takes in all of this information. "Do you think it's safe, [y/n]?"

With a hesitant nod, you answer him, "I think so. Like I said, these animals are different. They weren't exhibiting normal behavior. If I can just watch them for a while longer, then I can say for sure, but based off of what I've seen so far, I think we'll be safe when we land--"

A bright light streaks through the sky, and plummets to the west. Everyone scrambles for a better look, but you all know what it is. The Light of Creation. Lup tracks it, and you have the feeling that something else will be coming next. 

A few days later, you're proven right. You'd been in the middle of watching what looked like to be a bear trading berries and honey with a boar who had dug up root vegetables, with things beginning to heat up between them. The small scuffle was settled by a third party, and you watch them trade and go on their individual ways as you jot down your observations. The sky starts going dark, and you look up to see all of these  _ eyes _ that are looking down at the world below. Your stomach drops as you remember those same eyes before you left your home-world, but then they close and the sky returns to normal. Davenport announces you'll be landing soon, and you head back in off of the deck. 

The moment Merle gives the okay for the planet itself, you're the first one off of the ship. While the others start setting up camp, you make up an excuse and patrol the perimeter with Magnus. You insist upon it, and he relents and tries to make idle small talk with you here and there, but you're set on watching for any kind of animal-life. 

It's not until he chuckles that you remember he's there. "If you wanted to explore, you could have just said so."

You grow flustered and apologize quickly before heading back to help set up camp. 

It's a few days later when Barry flags you down from across camp. Lup and Taako are nearby, and you pretend not to notice when Taako gives you an uncertain look before turning back to Lup to say something. That's just how they  _ are _ , you tell yourself. You haven't exactly been the most open person either, moreso due to your own anxiety than anything else. Barry gives you the rundown: Lup and Taako were going to go off and try to figure out some kind of understanding with the animals in the area, and since he's interested, he figures you would be too. You start to back out when Barry frowns at you.

"C'mon, [y/n]," he says, "you should come too." And then he pauses, and turns back to the twins, "I mean, shouldn't they? It's, uh, kinda their job, so, uh…"

Lup merely shrugs. "It's fine with me. Taako?"

And he, too, shrugs off the idea. "Yeah, sure, whatever - woulda helped if you knew the language or somethin', but I guess we'll settle for having the geek squad here."

So the four of you set off to learn how to communicate with the animal-life here. It takes a while and plenty of trial and error before Lup and Taako find a family of mongoose that happen to have a baby that's far too curious for his own good. You sorta hang back at first, merely observing the baby and the family as they begin to warm up to your group, but you don't hold back once that trust is solidified. The baby hangs around Barry the most, and you can't help but crack a smile as he looks  _ nervous _ over the little thing warming up to him so much. With your background and devotion to learning, you manage to pick up on this language made up purely of grunts a bit faster than the rest. You struggle with some translating, but that's what the others are for, right? To make up for things where you struggle most? It bothers you, sure, but you deal with it for the time being. 

Instead you focus on learning their history alongside your companions. The predatory instincts that these animals should have just… died out. In your notes, you liken it to the way that dogs kind of are - just to an extreme of apparently showing  _ no _ instinct at all now. You note down that this history is preserved orally, and you make sure you spend as much time as you can recording it for Lucretia to read through and record later. You make notes about the high court and what they represent, and Magnus happens to catch you discussing your notes while talking with Lucretia when the words "power bear" make it out your mouth.

"I'm gonna fight the power bear," he says to you immediately.

You stare at him. "Magnus, I literally just told Lucretia that the power bear is one of the high court -- you can't just  _ fight royalty _ !"

"I'm gonna do it," he smiles at you, and he starts walking backwards towards where the rest of the group is located. "I'm gonna fight it, and it's gonna be awesome!"

Lucretia looks at you, and the two of you have the exact same thought. She starts to get up to follow after him, "Magnus, please do not fight the power bear--"

"Hey guys!" He's already calling as he leaves you alone, Lucretia already trailing after him when you finally stand to follow, "wanna watch me fight a fucking power bear tomorrow?!"

And so the next day, you all go watch Magnus fight the power bear. It takes a bit of convincing from Barry to go along, but you begrudgingly agree until Magnus causes some sort of ruckus that causes all of you to be brought before the court. You're too busy taking note of how all of these animals are working together, using tools, and you scramble to find your notebook as you're pushed back into following your friends, just so you can jot the thought down to observe further later. As Magnus introduces your group as "manimals" (and Taako juts in saying that he and Lup are "Taakos"), you share a look with Barry. This isn't going to end well.

Magnus is still on his knees before the dais. "We come from far away. We've really traveled a great distance to be here, and I see the three of you, and I recognize proud, brave, strong, intelligent warriors. Warriors like myself--"

Your stomach drops as the bear interrupts. As it starts to grunt, you translate for Magnus, "You're nothing like us. You, you're tiny, you're not furry, you don't have fangs or claws. I'm not--"

You don't get to finish your translation before Magnus speaks up, "Fuck. Off."

A bear from the audience charges Magnus, and you scream his name as he ends up crouching and throwing this bear across the room, and you kind of marvel at Magnus's strength for a moment. The power bear stands, and you bite your tongue as you watch this scene play out. The common bear shakes off it's injury and then charges at Magnus again. Barry grasps your arm as you nearly jolt forward, keeping you in line as you watch Magnus get this bear into a choke-hold and subdue it. He impresses this royal court, and then he spends the next few months training. 

You stay relatively close by, for the most part, observing the rest of the animals and communicating with them to learn more about the structure of their society. You struggle with a few mistranslations, but they're patient with you as you discover the right grunts to say what you mean. They teach you about how much unity makes up their society, and the ultimate idea of sharing labor and resources fairly among themselves is key to retaining this sense of peace. You admire it, to be honest.

On the last day of the year, you're with Barry when everything goes wrong.

When the sky goes dark, you freeze, at first. The darkness that destroyed your world has returned, and when you're back to your senses, you catch Barry by the arm. Before he responds or tries to take off running again, you press your notes into his hand.

"Go," you tell him.

"What?" He stares at you, and kind-of awkwardly laughs, "okay, I get it, [y/n], but come on--"

"I'm not leaving them," you say. "You're smart, Barry. Carry on in my place, alright?"

He blinks at you. "Oh my god, you're serious. Okay, um, look: noble sacrifice  _ later _ , we need to go--"

You don't give him the chance to change your mind as you take off running, Barry calling after you as you go to help in any way you can. You find Magnus. Everyone else has gone, and you find the wood of a destroyed building and use it as a makeshift weapon as you help everything you can get to cover. You want to say something to Magnus, but you don't. You grunt at the animals around you, telling them to get to safety, get out, get  _ anywhere _ that isn't in the open, and some of them listen. Some are stubborn, and you try to argue and push the smaller animals along, but you don't get too far with the process. Magnus shifts his efforts over to fighting these tendrils, and he manages far better than you do. The most you get out of your weapon is smacking a smaller tendril with it, and it recoils only slightly before it stabs you through your chest. You gasp and choke, and you look towards Magnus as your last action of life. As everything goes dark, you hear Magnus call your name.

And then you're back. The feeling of being stitched back together is fucking  _ awful _ , but you stay standing in the process as you gasp for air upon being whole again. You nearly collapse as your knees buckle beneath you, and you reach for the closest person - Barry - as you regain your sense of self. 

"That was fucking awful," you manage to say as you straighten up, stretching and popping your joints in newfound appreciation for being able to.

Barry holds out your notes to you, and you look up. As you take them, he lowers his voice, "please never do that again."

"I'll try not to," you say, shoving the small notebook into your pocket.

"I mean it," he says, and he still speaks to you in a low tone so that most of the crew can't hear him clearly. "What the hell was that?"

"I had to help," you say. You look back at this darkness that you narrowly escape, "I had to try."

And with that, the hunger grows larger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> man i cant wait for people to tell me about my typos. i dont know what proofreading is. im trying my best.

**Author's Note:**

> so uh. wrote a oneshot at one point about lup giving reader a hug when they're having a mental breakdown.   
> decided i'd expand on it by... a lot.
> 
> and then i wrote almost fifteen chapters and realized that maybe i should actually post something. numbering's gonna be off due to my penchant for prologues, but i hope that doesn't bother anyone who stumbles across this too much.
> 
> (also thank god for transcripts otherwise i would have never been able to do Any of this.)


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